Fury

This year, I felt some people reject and disrespect me, only to realise that I led and let them. I have also let a lot of people say what they wanted and do who they wanted, without hitting back. And now that this year is near its end I find myself wondering if I got any wiser or weaker.
I talk to myself before I sleep. I dream before I sleep.

My swallowed aggression and pride tells me that I got weak. I din't fight back. I got soft. My assured sense of self tells me I was wise not to waste my aggression on futile people and events.

But inside, a side that takes no side reminds me of my wrath, my fury. The fighting, the aggression, the heat that I haven't felt in a while. The redness in my ears and the choke in my neck. As though a part of misses that side. The woman or the wolf.

I got weak basically. I have lost my strength to hold a fight. I have drifted to the sidelines and now I watch my self in the ring, lose battles I could have won with a stare. I feel weak. Not wise. Damn god.
This self pride.