my new found discomfort

Every time I am upset, annoyed or feeling a bit too much, I remind my self that its all just energy and it can be channelized from something negative to something more positive. But sometimes a rant is just a rant and it helps release conflicting emotions. It does not have to be made into something productive. I will rant and find my peace by the end of it. It is always like that.

I find myself in a very conflicting situation today, I am confused and not at home. I wish I were at home, instead I am in a cold country where I can't seem to find any comfort. Where ever I go, even in the best of places, initially I long for home, a place where I feel welcome. I miss the warmth of my bed, remember the groves in my mattress and the torn or chewed up ends of the quilt. I was so comfortable and contend at home that I really wonder why I left it all behind? Why I could not stay put and away from all this new found discomfort. Why did I come this far?  

I guess, I will never know, or have a straight way to answer these questions. What I do know and realise everyday is that all this initial discomfort and emotional glum enriches me in ways I will never be able to quantitative. I guess, experiencing this is enough for me. Comfort and contentment can wait. Home can wait. 

When it gets sunny, I run up to my balcony, but the cold winds make it difficult to enjoy the warmth. The clouds rarely let the sun say hello. I know that these things, my mood, the surroundings, the weather will be all better tomorrow and I will be alright. It will get warmer, until then I will wear a scarf to avoid these cold winds.