Over chai, I scroll down my news feed. I stare at the screen, the people and their lives stare back at me. Talk to me, judge me, poke me, disturb me. I look at everything they have, everything I missed. There were opportunities that I din’t take, that my friends took instead. I watch their life change as they probably watch mine. At times I envy them and wonder if that could have been me. I see their lives and its sudden growth. Growth?
Do I mean salaries hikes?
Then I shift to my wall, my pictures and my posts and I smile to myself, sip my chai, enjoy my lil self stalking session. I feel good. My lil stalk session leaves me feeling thankful that I did not take the road to better salaries. And about growth? I see my needs our different. I don't aspire for the same things as most people are expected to do. My growth is not about climbing up a corporate ladder. It is in slow journeys that are full with new faces, old friends, strange people, un-blogged towns, fading cities, misty forests, shared meals, trains missed, buses taken, forever lovers and constant heartbreaks.
I feel good. I feel grateful at 25 and not figured it out. Still being lost and no where close to finding what lies ahead. Why should this scare us? When its all so exciting. The possibilities of what has to come or what we will chase. So many options because we still haven’t settled for ‘the safe and comforting life’. It is scary each day when thoughts drive you insane and but it feels so alive to not know where you are going. A feeling I will choose again and again over great salary packages.
Then I sip my tea again. And I wonder am if I making my self believe things. uh oh. hehe