I have been pretty lost this year. I try to reason it out often. Maybe because I am away from home and familiarity. Maybe my heart is broken. Maybe its just 2016 and it sucked for everyone. But its been so foggy up my head, I have write to see clearly.
When a person is changing internally and it is not so apparent outwardly, it can drive you a little insane. You bottle up thoughts in incomplete sentences that wouldn’t make sense if spoken out loud. Them thoughts are everywhere and seem to be going no where. So you start from the beginning.
You know how the story goes, you go to school then to college and then that job and that life. You are made to believe that is how its done and this is what you want. Like everyone else I have the same linear story but half way through it I have sidetracked. And when I asked my self why? I replied “I never wanted this.” I worked hard to become a good designer but my conscious did not let me earn money. I could not commodify my art because still unfolding. I am still becoming.
Slowly reaching a point where my work is not work anymore. It is me. Its not just a bunch of great skills at work but it defines me as a person and the world I want to create. Being called a designer professionally makes me uncomfortable. Maybe because it limits me from being more. There needs to be a label that doesn’t restrict you to one professional identity. Is there one already?
I am so lost, I did not intend to write this. I wanted to write about holistic world views. Maybe next time.