Humility around Stupidity.

I know as I write that as the title, I am already coming across as a total dick. It's true I have been one. One big asshole. Better now because I can write about it and address that side. 

Even now, like most times when I tell someone I have been wrong, I want to start by explaining the backstory that will support or reason my latter bad behaviour. I really want to do that and show you how its not my fault if you look at the larger picture. But I won't. Also, I am not going worry about all the people I meet who do equal amount of shit and I never see them apologise for it. I don't have that time, even though it does make me mad and in a way feel weak. Why am I the only one apologising or feeling this feeling. Is my conscious too weak? Am I too apologetic?

If it is on my mind then well.

Thanks to some of my closest friends I have been made to realise that no matter how far you might go with your work, its not worth it if you can't be nice to the people near you. This is something I tend to forget when I get pushy about my ideas. I get so blinded by them that I forget to see the goodness in others around me. It's terrible. I end up being miserable and inside I am yelling at me to shut up and give others the space. We all tend to do that when we feel our ideas are worth fighting for and I truly feel that there is nothing wrong in that. Unless you can't be proven otherwise, people you work with should help in making things flow instead of making them slow. Shit hits the fan when that happens around me. It's horrible because you want to spend all you energies in making that idea possible, but then you are also expected to take some of that energy to be nice to ones who are fucking it up in the name of team work. But even after all that argument in my favour, I will still say that humility around stupidity will take you way further than your idea will.

And yes, it is so x 100 difficult to do, especially around timelines and descending patience lines. It gets worse when your mental wavelengths and frequencies don't match. To add on to that are cultural differences and age gaps. DAMN! Working in teams is so overrated until you realise you are also the asshole in the group.

But this is for the ones with a sensitive conscious. Just remember that the fruition of your great idea will not give you peace if you have been a dick to others. The feeling of a failed project is way better that the guilt of being an asshole to someone over that project. In failure, at least you will have someone to laugh it out with. so be nice.

its difficult, but necessary

Hallo. Ich bin Latika. Ich komme aus Indien. I wohne in Dessau in der Hienz Rottger Str. Ich bin vierundzwanzig jahre alt. Ich bin ledig. Ich habe eine Bruder. Ich vermisse meine Familie. (spilling out all the german I have learned so far at the volkhochschule)

its difficult, but like everything else, its temporary.

Even if leave this place knowing very little about Integrated Design, I will not be leaving empty-handed or empty-minded. All these non-design related experiences, impressions, insights from being in a new country have already filled my cup. Sometimes I feel I have had enough even though it has only been 20 days! Students from around the globe, so many cultures to take in, in a country alien to me. Every night I sleep taking deep breaths before sleeping, hoping to refresh and make mental space for some new information for tomorrow.

It is difficult because I came here in a difficult time. The positive outlook of the Germans for the refugees was fairly short lived, much thanks to the paris attack that sort of revived Islamophobia and with ignorance grew xenophobia. So its difficult being looked on as the brown girl and feeling unwanted. Language barriers make the fences seem more aggressive. But, I am trying to not let myself get bummed out by all this. Its challenging, exciting and has its good parts too. I can walk around complaining about how these people in this small German town are so ignorant and how on the other hand they get such a great treatment in my country, but cribbing is such a waste of time. Change sucks at times but changes will come. Don't fight it, direct it, and flow.

Drawing parallels to the situations here with the ones back home have really helped me to get through some difficult times. I think of all the problems back home that I don't experience here and I remember to be grateful. No world is perfect, or will ever be. And being here in this 'oh-so-perfect-first-world-country', I find myself learning to be appreciative of my lil third world back home. Something I would have not realised if I din't come here. And then, there are so many intangible values worth exporting from here to the 'mera bharat-not-so-mahan'. 

Little things like the new friends you make in your class and then on Facebook can tell you so much about the world. Design students from different countries, sharing different information, having their own set of inspirations and what moves them. Instead of noticing how different you are, you start to notice the similarities like old couples strolling, people walking their dogs or like junkies wasting their lives near subway tunnels. Instead of comparisons you start to see resemblance. You put their situation in your context to make better sense of their world and eventually our world. Its amusing to see how we are not so different and then its not so difficult anymore.

my new found discomfort

Every time I am upset, annoyed or feeling a bit too much, I remind my self that its all just energy and it can be channelized from something negative to something more positive. But sometimes a rant is just a rant and it helps release conflicting emotions. It does not have to be made into something productive. I will rant and find my peace by the end of it. It is always like that.

I find myself in a very conflicting situation today, I am confused and not at home. I wish I were at home, instead I am in a cold country where I can't seem to find any comfort. Where ever I go, even in the best of places, initially I long for home, a place where I feel welcome. I miss the warmth of my bed, remember the groves in my mattress and the torn or chewed up ends of the quilt. I was so comfortable and contend at home that I really wonder why I left it all behind? Why I could not stay put and away from all this new found discomfort. Why did I come this far?  

I guess, I will never know, or have a straight way to answer these questions. What I do know and realise everyday is that all this initial discomfort and emotional glum enriches me in ways I will never be able to quantitative. I guess, experiencing this is enough for me. Comfort and contentment can wait. Home can wait. 

When it gets sunny, I run up to my balcony, but the cold winds make it difficult to enjoy the warmth. The clouds rarely let the sun say hello. I know that these things, my mood, the surroundings, the weather will be all better tomorrow and I will be alright. It will get warmer, until then I will wear a scarf to avoid these cold winds.

invest in love

People are out to propagate Hate everywhere. In schools, at homes, in colleges, in states and countries and MOST of it is Politically motivated. You might stick up for your beliefs with facts or drag things from the past to prove a point and spread more hate. 

On the other hand, I might even get my facts wrong and standing up armed to fight back with love and tolerance might seem stupid and juvenile to you.

But remember this, when shit really goes down, its the basics that matter the most, your religion doesn’t come and save you. People will realise how they should have tolerated opinions, celebrated debate, made no space for hate and invested in love.

HappyValentinesDay people. 

First Post.

Few years back, I had decided that by the time I am 25 years old, I want to feel a lil accomplished. My list of accomplishments must have, a portfolio, a website, a music video, clean hair, long runs, no fractures and an exciting life. This website has been made so I can check 'done' to one of the things off that list. 

YAY, I am so excited about this that I couldn't wait to make this perfect enough before it went up. Honestly, that day would never come. I would keep convincing myself about my grand plans for a website, but would never actually end up doing anything about it. This time I am putting it up, even if it is a WIP. BAM!